


Handsome People Aren't Called Robert

by ellipsism



Series: Destiel Drabbles [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, FBI Agent Castiel (Supernatural), First Dates, Fluff, M/M, Undercover, enjoy, i guess, set in an fbi case setting, this is basically a giant ball of fluff, tw for alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:09:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27479338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellipsism/pseuds/ellipsism
Summary: Castiel Novak, FBI Agent, hasn't had the chance to go undercover very often yet, but this mission was clear, and the job seemed easy. Find the target, strike a conversation, get them drunk, gather information.No one had told him he would have to flirt.Or the one where FBI Agent Castiel gets flustered when the criminal he's supposed to clandestinely  interrogate, is more handsome than expected.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel Drabbles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007964
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	Handsome People Aren't Called Robert

**Author's Note:**

> you know that other fic i wrote where there's a part when cas thinks dean might be a criminal? that's that. but like... different. enjoy.
> 
> i would like to dedicate this fic to every person called robert. not only are you all handsome, you're fucking beautiful and i am sorry to have besmirched your name just for a fanfic title. i hope you can forgive me.

„Can you hear me?“ The voice that came through Cas’s earpiece was accompanied by a faint static. It tickled a little, as though someone was whispering into his ear. He still hadn’t gotten used to it.

“Yes, I can hear you, Hannah.” Despite not having entered the location yet, he kept his voice low, lest someone might think he was talking to himself. Not that anyone would care – this was New York City after all.

“Okay, everything seems to be in order. Do you want us to run it over once again?”

This time he heard another, deeper voice respond in his place. “Man, relax, Hannah. Our kiddo here can probably recite the whole thing in his sleep already, considering how often you’ve let him repeat it.”

Cas couldn’t help but roll his eyes when Gabriel called him ‘kiddo’. Apart from it being patronizing, it was also inaccurate. Castiel was several inches taller than his colleague and far less boyish in both character and appearance. But ever since he’d spent his first day anxiously following Gabriel around, still equally excited and intimidated by the entrance sign that sported the letters ‘FBI’ in grandeur, the nickname had stuck.

“That’s the whole point of repetition, Gabriel,” Hannah countered, already annoyed by his antics. “Alright, Cas, give me the plan.”

“I’ll go inside where I will find the target subject at the bar. I will sit down next to him and start complaining about my work to give him a reason to talk to me. Then I will start involving him in a conversation and invite him in for a drink. I will keep on paying for his drinks until he’s drunk while I will pretend to be intoxicated as well. The barkeeper is informed and will only serve me the non-alcoholic options we have provided for him. As soon as the target subject is compromised, I will try to gather information that might be useful concerning the _Crowley_ case.

“Alright, kiddo, but keep in mind: casual. So you better loosen up because else it’s gonna take some impressive yoga skills for you to pull that stick out of your own a-“

“Gabriel!”

“Sorry, Hannah, but he speaks like a fucking robot. No offense.”

Castiel frowned. “What do you mean? This is how I always speak.”

“Yeah, and you always speak like a robot,” Gabriel explained. “You’re just so damn correct all the time.”

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention,” Castiel apologized, not really knowing why.

“See? That’s what I’m talking about. Just, take things a bit more… casual.”

“Enough now,” Hannah intercepted. Castiel was glad he didn’t have to sit in the van that was parked a few meters down the street. Soon the air in that vehicle would be filled with hostility and the greasy smell of Chinese food, thick enough to choke on it.

“Describe the target subject,” Hannah prompted him further.

“Male, around six feet tall, blonde, with green eyes.”

“Name?”

“Robert Nicholson.”

“Very good,” Hannah praised him. “Now your own resume.”

“My name is James Miller, called Jimmy. I’m a Sales Provider with AM Radio and was born in Pontiac Michigan, the 10th of March 1976, which makes me 32 years old. I moved to New York when I met my wife Amelia and I live with her and my daughter, Chrissi.”

“Yeah, I’m not too sure about keeping that last bit,” Gabriel noted.

Castiel frowned. “I don’t understand. I thought the family was supposed to make me more approachable and sympathetic?”

“Yeah, but if that guy is really the source we were hoping for, he’s already gotten himself wrapped up real tight in that network, so I doubt he’s got any family, which gives your sweetheart-story little relatability. And worst-case scenario: It’s more of an obstacle if you wanna drink him under the table.”

“I’m afraid I still don’t understand.”

But apparently Hannah seemed to understand perfectly because Castiel could hear a soft _oh_ coming from her, as though her perspective had suddenly shifted.

“Okay, Cas, I don’t like admitting it, but Gabriel might have a point. Cut the family.”

“Why?”

“Kiddo, if that guy happens to wanna tap your cute little butt, you won’t get far with your wife and daughter.”

Castiel blinked, surprised. He hadn’t even considered the possibility. What if he had to flirt his way through this? He was physically incapable of flirting. An absolute hopeless case, as any of his friends could confirm. There was a reason his last date had been ages ago. He really didn’t want to think about how long it had been.

“How do I know if he is attracted to men?”

He could hear hushed chuckling coming from his earpiece.

“If he’s really into men, he’ll come onto you one hundred percent. After all, you’re a pretty good catch with all that dark sex hair, those baby blue Bambi-eyes and that raspy voice. He won’t know what hit him, kiddo.”

Castiel knew that Gabriel was only pulling his leg, but this was the first time since they got the mission that he wished someone else could go undercover in his place. He could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage and his breath speeding up just barely. Of course, it could still be that their target subject was straight – it was even the more probable possibility – but now he couldn’t stop thinking about what could happen if not.

“Don’t worry, Cassie, it’ll be fine. And now move that sweet butt of yours in there before he thinks you’ve stood him up.”

“He’s not even expecting me,” Castiel mumbled under his breath but he didn’t argue. Instead he loosened his tie a little and took a deep breath before pushing the door open and entering the bar.

-

The room was filled with ambient chatter and clinging glasses, underlined by soft music that trickled from the speakers that were hanging on the walls. Castiel let his eyes roam the bar. It didn’t take him long to find his target. There were only two men sitting at the bar and only one of them fit the description. He had to admit that the prospect of flirting suddenly appeared both more terrifying and appealing. Criminal or not, the man was undoubtedly attractive with muscular arms and a jawline that could cut through glass.

“Target spotted,” Castiel whispered, knowing that Hannah and Gabriel could hear him.

“How does he look?” Although Gabriel’s tone was mocking and his question probably rhetorical, Castiel thought he might have caught a hint of curiosity as well.

“Not like a Robert,” Castiel answered honestly.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, it doesn’t sound like a very attractive name. It’s just not very… cool.” Even Castiel knew that his attempt at sounding a little more casual had failed, the last word sounding foreign from his lips.

“Coming from a guy called ‘Castiel’,” Gabriel chastised him. “The lead singer of Led Zeppelin was called Robert!” Gabriel seemed to take this a lot more personal than Castiel had expected but after a second, he got back on track: “Wait, does that mean he’s hot?”

That was when Hannah hushed him. Castiel was glad. As much as their presence calmed him, having Gabriel chattering into his ear at all times was more distracting than helpful.

He didn’t have time to answer anyway. He’d reached the bar, choosing a seat on the right of his target subject that would leave one bar stools between them empty, afraid that if he chose the one right next to him it might seem too obvious. With a loud sigh he let himself drop onto the stool, rubbed his eyes and ran both his hands through his hair, like he usually did when he’d had a long day at work, before he waved over the barman, a scrawny, blonde male, sporting mullet

“Need a beer?” the barman asked.

Castiel just nodded, knowing that they had given him a case of falsely labelled non-alcoholic beer. He just hoped that he would be given the right one. The man behind the counter didn’t look like the sharpest tool in the shed.

He made a point of taking a long sip from his beer. It was the right one.

“Long day?” Castiel looked up and right into the eyes of Robert Nicholson, his target. His voice was unusually deep.

“You can say that.” Castiel had talked a little too quietly, the words getting lost on their way out, but the other man seemed to have heard him anyway.

“I’m Robert. Robert Nicholson.” He held his hand out, which Castiel shook right away.

Almost, he said his actual name. “James Miller. Just call me Jimmy.”

Robert smiled. He had very straight teeth. If it weren’t for the multitude of freckles that covered his skin, he would look almost superficially handsome, Castiel observed. 

“Work or love?”

Castiel tilted his head, confused. “Sorry?”

“The long day. Was it because of work or love?”

“Oh! Eh, work.” _Get a grip._

“What do you work as?”

“Sales Provider. And yes, it’s just as boring as it sounds.” He laughed and took another swig from his beer, trying to mask his nervousness. He was relatively new to undercover, and although this job had seemed simple enough, he could feel the nerves getting to him.

“And let me guess: Your boss is a huge a-hole.”

Castiel nodded, slowly. “Yes, one could say it like that. I suppose, I should have quit years ago.”

“Why don’t you?”

Castiel had rehearsed for this question. He shrugged. “I don’t really know what else I could do. There’s not much else I know.”

“Then I guess it’s time to get to know new things.”

Robert shot him a wink, leaving Castiel blushing without really knowing why. Robert was surprisingly curious and seemed to be eager to talk, which was Castiel’s luck. Only, something about the conversation still left a nervous flutter in his stomach. He wasn’t afraid the mission would fail, everything was going smoothly. He was… afraid he might embarrass himself in front of Robert by saying something stupid. Which was stupid. Robert was his target and Castiel was putting on a false persona. He forced the tension from his neck and shoulders. Robert was easy to talk to as it seemed. He should enjoy a conversation without awkward silences and focus on the mission.

“I supposed you’re right,” he responded, attempting a smile of his own. “What do you do?”

“I’m in insurance.” Lie.

“Wow. That is…“ Castiel tried to feint interest, but maybe because he knew that it was a lie, he failed to make it sound sincere.

“Even more boring than Sales Provider, huh?” Robert laughed, unsurprisingly not offended.

“Maybe it’s time you try out something new as well?” Castiel echoed what the other man had said before.

“Maybe,” Robert admitted. Castiel was impressed by how good of an actor Robert was. “We should drink to that.” He gave the barman a signal who didn’t take long to bring him a new beer.

“To something new?” Castiel offered his bottle for a toast.

Robert nodded and slipped onto the empty barstool that had stood between them to let his bottle clink with Castiel’s.

“To something new.”

-

“No way!” Castiel laughed with tears in his eyes. Both men had their ties dangling loosely off their necks, the first few buttons of their shirts undone, and their sleeves rolled up. Castiel’s jacket had been lying on the counter but fallen to the floor about two drinks ago. He didn’t bother picking it up.

Robert put one hand over his heart and raised the other into the air.

“I swear on my mother’s grave, he just picked him up and threw him into the trash container.”

“While wearing the batman costume?” Castiel wheezed.

“Can you imagine his face?” Robert’s face was flush from the heat and the alcohol, his eyes alight with glee.

Still laughing, Castiel signaled the barman to hand over two shots. They’d switched from beer to vodka (or water, for him) a while ago, which had sped things up considerably. Robert was looking more and more like he was about to drop off his stool and even though Castiel had a lot of fun talking to the man, he still had a job to do.

“Talking about Batman…” he prompted.

“Do you want to stop an imaginary crime as well?” Robert mocked him.

“Not quite, no. But talking about crime…” He could feel the mood between them shift to something more conspiring.

The barman handed each of them a shot and after they’d each downed theirs, Castiel picked up where he’d left off.

“Did you ever do something illegal? And I’m not talking about stealing cookies from your grandma’s cookie box. I’m talking about something that could get you arrested.”

From his earpiece he could hear Gabriel shout out: “Finally! I thought he’d never get to it!” but Hannah hushed him immediately.

Robert eyed him suspiciously. “Why do you ask?”

Castiel could feel the tension of the moment, how much depended on him sounding convincing. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I just love crime stories. I think it’s exciting.” He could feel himself blushing again, which was unusual because he tended to be a very straight-faced liar. Although, it wasn’t all a lie. He did love crime stories.

Again, he could hear Gabriel intercepting through his earpiece. “Well look at that, now two hours ago our little Cassie almost had a panic attack, thinking about having to flirt and now he’s hitting on our target subject like there’s no tomorrow.”

Surprised, Castiel tried to take a look at the watch from his periphery, not daring to break eye contact with Robert. He hadn’t even noticed how much time had passed. It hadn’t felt like two hours.

“Nah, I have to disappoint you. Except for drinking as a minor, I’ve got a clean slate. Although I guess it might have spiced things up a little in my life. Something else than insurance, for a change. How about you?” Castiel didn’t think either of them had blinked since he’d asked the question, Castiel’s blue locked onto Robert’s green.

Castiel didn’t know if he should be disappointed or relieved. Maybe Robert wasn’t yet drunk enough to spill the truth but the way he was slurring his words and constantly raising his glass to Castiel while chuckling like a little schoolgirl at a sleepover, strongly suggested otherwise. Maybe lying was already such a big part of him that it was second nature, nothing he needed to be sober for. And maybe, just maybe, and this was whispered by the part of Castiel that was relieved, Robert was just a nice guy who worked in insurance and was easy to talk to. Maybe he wasn’t a top-notch criminal. Either way, their investigation had now officially hit a dead end. They’d known that the information they’d gotten from their source could’ve been wrong, but it was disappointing anyway, especially for Hannah, as Castiel knew. This was the first case she had been put in charge of and succeeding meant a lot to her.

It took him a while to remember that Robert had asked him a question. Just because he hadn’t gotten his intel, that didn’t mean he could blow his cover. He laughed softly.

“Me? Oh no. God, no. I’m too much of a coward to get into something like that. Always looking behind your shoulder, thinking the police could get you any second? Or maybe even the FBI? No, that’s not for me. I can’t imagine living like that.” He eyed Robert over one last time, trying to search for any kind of reaction that could give him away, but nothing. That was it then. Mission failed.

Castiel got up, mumbling something about having to use the restroom, which was true but also a good excuse to inform Gabriel and Hannah without looking like he was some sort of maniac who was talking to himself. But just as his foot touched the ground, he already slipped on his jacket that he hadn’t bothered picking up before. And while he was thinking that this made his drunk-act was pretty convincing, he was already cursing himself when he realized that his head would hit the counter. There was no way he would be fast enough to grab something to hold onto in time.

That was, when two strong hands caught him.

Robert had put one hand on Castiel’s back and closed the other one around his upper arm and was now looking down on him with worry in his eyes. He was so close, Castiel could count the freckles on his face.

“Are you okay, Jimmy?” He smelled like coffee and the well-worn leather jacket he was wearing and usually that would have been enough to make Castiel swoon instantly but right now it had the opposite effect because there was one scent missing: alcohol.

“You’re not drunk.”

Robert’s eyes widened. He helped Castiel straighten himself again. “Apparently, neither are you.”

Castiel reached over the counter and grabbed one of the bottles he’d seen the barman use to pour Robert’s drinks. First, he sniffed it, then he poured some of it into his glass and drank it.

Water.

“Seems like we played each other.”

He could hear Hannah and Gabriel talk over themselves through his earpiece. “Castiel, what’s going on? What are you talking about? Answer!”

But Castiel ignored them. Angry, he turned towards the barman. “You served both of us water the whole evening while watching us play drunk and nothing of the situation appeared odd enough for you to maybe mention it to someone?”

The barman shrugged. “You paid me so I wouldn’t tell him. He paid me so I wouldn’t tell you. I’m just doing my job.”

Castiel growled in frustration and turned back to the man next to him.

“Who are you?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Not-Robert’s voice had gone even deeper in anger and suspicion.

The tension between them right now was very different from the one there had been before. Every muscle in Castiel’s body was tense and he could see the green in the other man’s eyes harden and his teeth clench.

Castiel decided now was not the time for ‘I asked you first’ games. He flashed his badge. “FBI. We received a tip that someone called Robert Nicholson had information about a case that we’ve been looking into.”

For a second there was nothing but baffled silence. Then, without warning, Not-Robert started laughing. Castiel furrowed his brow in confusion. He didn’t think he understood what was going on.

Until the other man reached into his back pocket and retrieved a badge, which he flashed under Castiel’s nose. “NYPD. We’ve been tipped off that there’s someone here who might have some information crucial to one of our biggest cases at the moment.”

He could hear Gabriel swearing in such colorful combinations, he wouldn’t have been able to think them up if he’d wanted to. Castiel was still in shock.

“We were set up.” The realization hit him like a bucket of icy water. Not-Robert was still laughing.

“Wow that is…”

“…absurd, I know.”

Finally, the comedy of it all reached Castiel, and he started laughing too. After a while, when they’d both calmed down, the policeman offered Castiel his hand to shake once again.

“My name is Dean. Dean Winchester.”

Castiel took it. “Castiel Novak.”

“Nice to meet you, Cas.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Dean.”

-

It had cooled down considerably in the last couple of hours they’d been inside but Castiel enjoyed the fresh air. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, letting the wind ruffle his hair and seep through his jacket.

“So, FBI, huh?” Castiel opened his eyes again to find Dean next to him, hands buried in the pockets of his leather jacket, arms pressed to his side to warm himself as much as possible. He noticed now that Dean was a few inches taller than him, which hadn’t been noticeable when they’d been sitting down.

“How come you guys are interested in the _Crowley_ case?”

“We weren’t,” Castiel admitted. “At least not until we found out it might be connected to Alastair.”

“So, you were the ones that brought Alastair behind bars?”

Castiel couldn’t help the smile tugging on the corners of his lips. He’d been especially proud of that one.

“Man, I was wondering who was behind that…”

For a while they stood next to each other in silence, watching the cars going by. Castiel couldn’t help it though, ever since they’d found out who the other one was, there was one thought that didn’t let him go.

“How did they manage to set us up?”

Dean looked up. “Sorry?”

“How did they manage to set us up? The police _and_ the FBI? This could not have been an amateur. And we have records of the person who passed along the information. Even if they turn out to be in no way involved in the grander scheme of this case, it’s still a big risk for whoever planned this, just for a prank.”

“I was wondering the same,” Dean agreed. “Maybe we should get our heads together and compare notes?”

Despite the chill air, Castiel could feel his chest warming at the thought of Dean and him spending more time together, even if it was just for work.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“Great, it’s a date then,” Dean announced, sporting another one of his cheeky grins. “Maybe this time without cover names and false alcohol?”

A date? Castiel perked up at the word, before reminding himself that it was just a figure of speech. It had happened to him before. But the way Dean had said it, it felt like maybe it could mean something more. Like it could have been meant literally. Another nervous flutter seized Castiel’s chest and he enjoyed the warmth and the possibility of it.

“I would hope so,” he agreed, still smiling.

“Although,” Dean granted, “I did have a pretty good time tonight. Not that often that going undercover is as much fun as it was tonight.”

There it was, Castiel’s unasked question answered, his doubts and fears making place for anticipation.

“I had a good time as well tonight, Dean.”

He could see the policeman’s smile widen, although he averted his gaze, rubbing his neck like Castiel had seen other people do when nervous. The gesture was boyish and unexpected but Castiel thought it charming.

“So, I kinda have to get back and discuss all this with my colleagues.” Dean pointed at something behind him with his thumb without turning around. About hundred meters away stood a van, not unlike the one he knew Hannah and Gabriel were sitting in right now, albeit a different color.

Castiel nodded. “Yeah, I have to get back as well.” He pointed behind him where he knew Dean could see the other van.

Dean chuckled, shaking his head. He smiled one last time, not his half-lipped smirk but a wide smile that showed a perfect row of straight, white teeth and made his eyes crinkle at the corners.

“Alright then,” he said, “call me.” Then he turned around and started walking into the direction of his colleagues.

Suddenly, Castiel remembered something. “Wait, I don’t have your number!”

Dean turned back around to him but didn’t stop walking. “You’re an FBI agent, aren’t you? Figure it out!”

Despite the night and the thick wades of New York’s autumn fog, Castiel could swear seeing Dean throwing him one last wink before turning around to walk to his van, leaving Castiel to walk to his.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: once i forgot about a deadline for a creative writing course i was taking in high school and so i changed the names of the characters and handed this in. i won a prize and had to read this to, like, an audience. so, y'all are reading award winning fanficion here lmao (except for the hugo award, of course).  
> to be fair, the course wasn't that big, you basically got a sticker and a certificate for everything. 
> 
> if you left kudos or a comment, know you are one of the people who absolutely make my day/night when i get the notification by mail and i hope your skin is clear and your hair luscious and beautiful. xx
> 
> no roberts were harmed during the writing of this work.


End file.
